Denise, 45

What’s the best reason to date a MILF?
We’re done playing games. We know what we want and aren’t afraid to let you know.

Are MILFs better in bed?
Of course we are. We’re more adventurous and willing to try new things. We’re closer to perfecting the art of making love. Like they say, practice makes perfect.

Is it bad to have sex with a MILF just to say, “I had sex with a MILF”?
Nope. Just like it’s not bad for the MILF to brag that she’s had sex with a young, hot stud muffin.

My boyfriend said that sucking on an Altoid while giving me head will intensify the sensation. Is this true? Also, is it safe?
I haven’t tried that, but I’ll check it out and let you know. On the safety front, you have to be careful when having fun with food; it can cause the dreaded yeast infection.

My boyfriend shaves his armpits when the weather’s warm. He says it cools down his body temperature. Is it weird that his summer grooming practice freaks me out?
Definitely odd, but to each to his own. If he’s comfortable with it, what’s the harm?

I was looking for toothpaste in my boyfriend’s toiletry bag and came across a prescription bottle for Viagra. He’s only thirty and I’m worried. What’s going on down there that he’s not telling me about? Should I confront him about it?
Take it as a compliment; he is trying to please you. Ask him if he’s healthy and observe his activity level in other arenas. If he is still pursuing athletic activities, rest assured that the Viagra is for your benefit.

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Should it bother me that they get lunch a few times a month?
This should only bother you if you found out from a third party, or if you are never included. It shows maturity on your guy’s part that he’s able to maintain a friendship with an ex. He’s able to separate sex and attraction from liking someone’s personal characteristics.

This girl I’m dating – a self-proclaimed feminist – recently confessed that she likes being choked while having sex. I care about her and want to make her happy, but I’m a little weirded out. Should I go through with it?
Try it, you might like it. Doesn’t sound like a feminist practice to me, but our sexual desires often run counterintuitive to what we project to the outside world.

Should I be ashamed about the number of sex partners I’ve had?
No shame, your experience has made you the sexual being you are today. However, remember most people are judgmental – so share that info judiciously.

My friend said her boyfriend has stronger orgasms when she attends to his ass with her fingers. I heard that a guy’s G-spot is located back there. I want to ask my boyfriend about it, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m weird. Any advice?
Your friend is right. Start by lightly stroking the area behind his balls with your fingertip getting closer and closer to his anus. His response should lead to the next step. Once you’re stroking him, go lightly. Let his response guide from there.

Shannon, 23

Are MILFS better in bed?
This MILF is.

Last week, my new girlfriend had me over to her parents’ house for dinner. Her mom is gorgeous. Is it bad if I fantasize about her mom when we’re having sex?
Not bad. Just weird.

I had a crush on my best friend’s mom growing up. Now that I’m an adult, it’s a full blown infatuation. I’m a good looking guy and she’s single. Would it be wrong of me to ask her out?
If you’re any kind of “best” friend, you should probably talk to your friend about it first. Then you can find out how he feels about the situation.

My boyfriend shaves his armpits when the weather’s warm. He says it cools down his body temperature. Is it weird that his summer grooming practice freaks me out?
No. It’s weird for a guy to shave anything besides his face.

I was looking for toothpaste in my boyfriend’s toiletry bag and came across a prescription bottle for Viagra. He’s only thirty and I’m worried. What’s going on down there that he’s not telling me about?  Should I confront him about it?
If you’re really worried, then yes. You were just looking for toothpaste; it’s not like you were purposefully snooping through his things. Approach the situation gently. Try not to smother his manhood and explain your concerns. And make sure to tell him how much he turns you on – that always makes a man feel better.

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Should it bother me that they get lunch a few times a month?
It’s not something I would be happy about – or allow my boyfriend to do. Obviously, there are still some feelings between them, or they wouldn’t be meeting up.

I want to try anal sex. But I’m afraid it will be gross. Is there a way to guarantee a clean first time?
No experience in this, um, field. Sorry.

I’m a woman and made out with a girl for the first time last week. We were drunk, but I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime with her. I totally like guys, but am confused about this new desire. Am I a lesbian or just experimental?
I think only you can answer that question. There’s nothing wrong with exploring your feelings and desires. Just be smart and safe. Most importantly: don’t be a whore. No one likes a whore.

This girl I’m dating – a self-proclaimed feminist – recently confessed that she likes being choked while having sex. I care about her and want to make her happy, but I’m a little weirded out. Should I go through with it?
You shouldn’t do something you’re not comfortable with, but if you’re weirded out, just tell her. If she has a problem with you’re decision, then just choke some sense into her! I’m kidding… kind of. I mean, you know she’ll like it.

Gabrielle, 32

What’s the best reason to date a MILF?
Clearly, we know what we are doing!

Are MILFS better in bed?
I’ve never slept with one, but I’ve been told I’m pretty good.

Last week, my new girlfriend had me over to her parents’ house for dinner. Her mom is gorgeous. Is it bad if I fantasize about her mom when we’re having sex?
Only if you think you want to be with this girl long term. If she’s just a girl you’re hooking up with, then go for it.

I had a crush on my best friend’s mom growing up. Now that I’m an adult, it’s a full blown infatuation. I’m a good looking guy and she’s single. Would it be wrong of me to ask her out?
I would talk to your friend about this first. You’ve obviously been friends with this person for a long time. Is hooking up with the mom going to cost you your friendship?

Is it bad to have sex with a MILF just to say, “I had sex with a MILF?”
It’s kind of obnoxious. But if it makes you feel awesome to say it, then go for it.

My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Should it bother me that they get lunch a few times a month?
If they’re just friends and you trust him, don’t worry about it. If you don’t want him have private lunch dates with her, then look her up and invite her to dinner at your place. This way you get to see them interact, and you can feel comfortable. Or at the very least, you can scare the bitch into leaving your man alone.

I want to try anal sex. But I’m afraid it will be gross. Is there a way to guarantee a clean first time?
Make sure you’re recently cleaned out and cleaned up, then just close your eyes and hope for the best.

I’m a woman and made out with a girl for the first time last week. We were drunk, but I wouldn’t mind kissing her again. I totally like guys, but a little confused. Am I a lesbian or just experimental?
What girl hasn’t kissed another girl while she was drunk? I sure have, and I am not at lesbian. It’s experimental until you discover how it really makes you feel. Maybe you’ll end up liking women for more than just drunk kisses. And if so, so be it.

Should I be ashamed about the number of sex partners I’ve had?
You should never be ashamed of the choices you make. However you don’t have to run around the streets screaming, “I fucked forty-five guys,” either. Little white lies never hurt.

My friend said her boyfriend has stronger orgasms when she attends to his ass with her fingers. I heard that a guy’s G-spot is located back there. I want to ask my boyfriend about it, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m weird. Any advice?
When I am down in that area, I gently and subtly run my fingers further and further back. I gauge his response by his breathing and body language. I’ve never gotten as far as I want to, but I’ve gotten a lot further than I thought I would!

Originally published Friday, Aug. 20, 2010 on Nerve.com

Sarah, 28

What do you do for a living?
I’m a waitress.

Does your job get you laid?
Yes. Not only do I get it on with random customers but also with some staff members.

Such as?
I’ve hooked up with a few bartenders and one of the waitresses. I’m not normally into hooking up with girls, except for every once and awhile. But I always want her to be the one to go down on me — I don’t do that shit. I feel like, if she’s pleasuring me, I’m still not really a member of that club.

If you had to pick one of the seven deadly sins to define you, which would it be?
Lust.

Why?
Because I’m lustful. If I see a hot guy — or girl — I point at them and say, “What’s up.” Give them a little head nod. Then I make him come over and do the work. I just give off that initial move.

What’s your most attractive quality?
Either my tits or my legs. I also have a pretty good sense of humor.

If you could sum up your first time in one word, what would it be?
Disastrous.

What’s your favorite sex position?
I’m a big fan of doggie. But I also like reverse cowgirl. That’s how I get off.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
Bad teeth — like busted, nasty teeth. Yellow or crooked. He’s got to have nice teeth. If I look at your mouth and want to barf, how am I going to hook up with you? Oh, and a big dick. I need a big dick.

Michael, 29

What do you do for a living?
I’m a lawyer, commercial litigation and criminal defense.

Does that get you laid?
Women are generally impressed by lawyers based on the age-old axiom that they’re educated and financially stable. Also, the criminal defense side provides some amusing stories that can deceive a girl into thinking I’m witty, at least long enough for me to get her home.

Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I like to think I’m a sick amalgam of pride, lust, and envy. I call it “pluvy.”

Do you have any sexual regrets?
Everyone has sexual regrets. I’ve slept with people who I shouldn’t have. I’ve definitely slept with people I had no intention of dating, and having to explain that to them was almost never worth the encounter. More than anything, I regret all the girls who smiled at me on the subway or in a bar who I never approached and engaged.

What’s your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Deepest and darkest? Is that like sex at the bottom of the ocean or in space? In a fantasy world, I’d have a harem at my disposal, ready to satisfy my every desire. Minus the eunuch, of course. Those guys freak me out.

What’s your most attractive quality?
It’s either my sense of humor or my forearms.

What’s your favorite sex position?
I’m not sure I could explain it.  A demonstration would be more appropriate.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
I have tons of dating dealbreakers.  I think the main one is talking about astrology like it’s based in science. It’s an entirely fictional discipline made up to con the naive and provide easy excuses as to why things aren’t working out for them.

Gala, 30

What do you do for a living?
I’m a professional dominatrix.

Does this job get you laid?
It actually works against getting me laid. It’s fucked me up about men.

How so?
Because they’re all freaks. This job has made me realize they’re all liars, hiding something weird about themselves.

Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
Sloth. I’m a lazy bitch. Maybe wrath too.

Do you have any sexual regrets?
Yes. I lost my virginity doggie style. That sucked. It’s one of my favorites now, but to lose it that way sucked, you know? I wanted to look at him the first time.

What is your deepest, darkest fantasy?
It’s the same as every girl’s.

Oh?
Getting gangbanged.

Every girl wants to get gangbanged?
If you’re saying you don’t, then you’re a liar.

What’s your most attractive quality?
It would be easier to say something I don’t like about myself, because I like myself a lot. From what people tell me, I’m condescending. I don’t even know what that means — so I don’t know what to do about it. But people tell me that’s what I am, so I guess I don’t like that about myself.

If you could sum up your first time in one word, what would it be?
Awkward.

What’s your favorite sex position?
Reverse cowgirl. I hate that name though.

Got a better one?
Riding his cock backwards?

Diego, 25

What do you do for a living?
I work in art galleries.

Does this job get you laid?
Not yet. Most of the people I work with are older people, like sixty-year-old  women with bottle-cap glasses and turtlenecks.

Not your thing?
I mean, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I’m more vain than greedy. Can I make up a word?

Go for it.
I’m very “vreedy.” I like money, and I’m a narcissist. I’m an only child so…

If an unattractive woman offered to pay your rent for casual sex, would you accept the offer?
Like fat?

If being fat is unattractive to you, then yes.
A fat ugly girl? Ugh, yeah, I’d do it. But only once a week.

Do you have any sexual regrets?
Yeah, back in college. Two words: “Angry vagina.”

As in The Vagina Monologues?
As in bear trap, as in she was a bitch. Oh, and I got busted by the cops having sex in an alley once. They acted like I was trying to rape her or something.

Why did they act like that?
Because I was having sex in an alley.

When it comes to dating, do you have any dealbreakers?
I don’t really date much. But I guess a white Buddhist would probably do it.

As in a white person who is a Buddhist?
Yeah, because she probably picked it up her sophomore year at NYU. But  honestly, my biggest dealbreaker would be a fat person.

Unless she was paying your rent?
Right.

Jessye, 27

What do you do for a living?
I’m a phlebotomist and a nursing student.

Does this job get you laid?
In a sense. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend has some naughty plans for my nursing-school uniform when I am finished with it.

Do you have any sexual regrets?
Just one that I can think of. I had revenge sex with my on-again, off-again guy’s best friend. I learned my lesson the hard way about guys who talk a big game. The way he talked I was expecting fireworks. Turned out, he had the smallest dick. Ever.

What’s your deepest, darkest fantasy?
I’m a big fan out outdoor or public sex. It adds an extra thrill when there’s a chance you’ll be caught. But that’s not really much of a secret.

What do you mean?
I’ve had plenty of outdoor sex.

So you’ve already made your deepest, darkest fantasy come true?
Hell yes! A few times. At a state park, a little ways off of a hiking trail, on the ridge of a gorge, at sunset with rain lightly falling. It was like something out of a romance novel. And each time it gets better and better.

What’s your most attractive quality?
I’m told I have a pretty good sense of humor. I’m attracted to people who can make me laugh, and I think a lot of people feel that way. If all else fails, I have pretty big boobs, too.

What’s your favorite sex position?
As boring as it sounds, missionary. It’s very intimate and can be as passionate as you want it to be.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
A few: chain smokers, guys who are unemployed, guys who live at home, and cats. Cats are assholes. They smell and shed and are selfish. Also, I’m severely allergic to them.

Got it. So no cat men.
No cat men. Dog men, yes. Cat men are probably unemployed and living with their mothers, anyway.

Tristian, 29

What do you do for a living?
I’m a freelance film editor.

Does this job get you laid?
It’s definitely an asset; I work for myself and enjoy what I do. I don’t think it directly gets me laid, but it’s a good card to play. It speaks to other sorts of attributes that women find attractive.

Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I’d say lust or pride. Anybody who knows me knows that I talk about sex all the time. And I’m a pretty vain person. I’m really aware of my faults. Which is good. I feel like a lot of people don’t know how they come across to others.

If you had a word for your first time, what would it be?
Caring. She knew it was my first time, and she just really helped me feel comfortable.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
If you don’t believe in evolution. If religion plays a large part in your life. It’s fine if you’re Jewish and not practicing or whatever. But if it’s a part of who you are, then it’s a dealbreaker. Also, if you don’t drink, and if you don’t listen to music. I went out with this girl who was a filmmaker, and she never listened to music. I was mystified, because she works with it all time.

Do you have any sexual regrets?
I slept with this girl. It was a total one-night-stand sort of thing. And then I went to my friend’s house a day later, and she was there. They just ended up hanging out in the same crowd. It was just weird how I had no idea.

Why is that a regret?
Because she was really busted. I mean, like so nasty. Hold on though, I might have a better story. Let me check my phone.

Your phone?
Yeah, I have a list.

You have a list of the girls you’ve slept with?
Yeah, I’m just checking it to make sure that I don’t have any more regrets.

Originally published Thursday, Aug. 19, 2010 on Nerve.com

“Potato on stilts.”

This was a nickname that started in elementary school and followed me through the first few years of high school. I had long skinny legs, and a bulky upper frame. During this time, I kept a plastic ring binder filled with ripped out magazine pages of models.

After school I would stare at them, hoping that their beauty their thinness would rub off on me, that I’d wake up the next morning resembling them. Instead, each glossy leaf stared back at me in disgust.

There was one especially bad day at school: my gym teacher was conducting evaluations on how well the class ran track. I was the only person who couldn’t even make it around one lap without stopping.

With a gluttonous sorrow, I came home that afternoon and ate a whole bag of pretzels and half a jar of blue cheese, a quarter gallon of ice cream, and nibbles of any other treats in the cupboards.

And so it went: I ate because I was depressed, I was depressed because I ate.

I lost my pudge the summer after my first year at college. With the encouragement of an affluent, 30-year-old man I was dating (against my parents’ continual disapproval of course), I starved myself down from 160 to 115 pounds in three months. When I finally came to my senses and broke up with him, my weight wobbled back up.

Because of these experiences, however, I still do not think of food in an entirely healthy way today.

Most of my female friends have had similar experiences growing up; half have or had some sort of eating disorder too: anorexia, bulimia, diet pills, laxatives…

Around 41 percent of American women are larger than a size 14. And yet about 65 percent of women have had an eating disorder at least once in their life.

So what’s the cause?

My mother and father were very healthy influences in my life when it came to body image – my mother, especially, always told me I was beautiful no matter what other classmates thought. But the glossy models told me differently.

It’s no big shock that our cultural obsession with thinness has cleaved a nonsensical gap between body mass and attractiveness. Given that the qualities the opposite sex generally registers as attractive are, according to the evolutionary scientists, supposed to be some measure of health and fertility, this seems to demonstrate that we have rather lost our way as a culture.

In the past 10 years especially, there has been a large push to promote positive body images however. UK equalities minister Lynne Featherstone, for example, has been urging government for health warnings on airbrushed photographs that underline the fact that they have been digitally altered.

“I am very keen that children and young women should be informed about airbrushing, so they don’t fall victim to looking at an image and thinking that anyone can have a 12 inch waist,” she was quoted in a Sunday Times article last week.

In an attempt to promote body confidence, Featherstone has been working with advertising executives and magazine editors around the world to discuss how to stop promoting unrealistic body images.

She has even lauded Mad Men actress Joan Holloway played by Christina Hendricks as the new “real role model” for girls to aspire to.

Thinking back to my adolescent days and the continual subjugation to false images of extremely thin models and celebrities, I have to agree. Hendricks’ famous curves have been the focus in the ideological war between real women and the fashion industries construct of one. I wonder how I would have thought of myself as a teenager if there were more photos of her in magazines.

All women have felt that pressure at least once in their life to conform to an unrealistic stereotype. It’s not only an immediate harm, but also one that lasts a lifetime. Incorporating more diverse images of women in the entertainment industry is the first step to flipping the scales.

Originally published Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010 in The Dunkirk Observer

Beautiful dead women.

For my master’s thesis I concentrated on how 19th century male-authored European paintings specifically “Le Jeune Martyre” by Paul Delaroche (1855) and “Ophelia” by John Everett Millais (1852) suggested that only in death could a female be forever remembered as a young, beautiful, silent, pious and subordinate (using Barbara Welter’s term) “True Woman.”

How “turn-of-the-century” female-authored American texts “The Awakening” by Kate Chopin (1899) and “The House of Mirth” by Edith Wharton (1905) refuted this image. By “killing” their heroines (or having their heroines kill themselves), they created a necessary martyr; reinvented a revolutionary symbol whose death illuminated the social and aesthetic hypocrisies assigned to women by men; a symbol that exposed one implicit cultural regulation: women must follow the rules or die.

During and after my time at SUNY Fredonia, I witnessed more beautiful dead women in contemporary aesthetics.

Two examples:

• In 2007 America’s Next Top Model had models pose as crime scene victims who had been poisoned, drowned, stabbed or strangled.

• Lady Gaga’s 2009 music video Paparazzi included 14 frames of beautiful dead models who were bleeding from mouth lying in tub of pearls; shot in the forehead; suffocated by saran wrap tied around face; blue, lying in the garden on a bed of plants.

The “latest wave” is a 24-page fashion spread in the September issue of Italian Vogue magazine.

Famed photographer Steven Meisel shot the controversial Gulf disaster-inspired images of model Kristen McMenamy caught in nets, spitting up oil, and flopping like a dying seal on rocks. For the shoot McMenamy is wearing oil-soaked black-feathered outfits, withering away on a beach.

Many believe the images are powerful and striking. They argue that the photos are beautifully constructed, overwhelmingly dark, and bring about a sense of urgency that makes people want to educate themselves, donate money, and help in cleanup efforts.

Their evidence is the fashion: eco-designers Kathleen Nowak Tucci of My Sister’s Art, made the seaweed-style necklace on the cover from recycled inner tubes sourced from Gulf Coast towns (Pensacola, Florida and Atmore, Alabama).

Tucci argued that Vogue did not glamorize the oil spill in any way.

“I thought it was disturbing and thought-provoking and utterly fascinating in its interpretation of the struggle for survival,” she was quoted in many publications. “It is controversial and interpretative, which is indicative of great artistic expression.”

But many others question the intentions of Vogue and whether or not they wanted to make a poignant statement or merely hoped to get attention by being provocative.

I get it. Meisel placed a beautiful model in the same oily, dark situation so many beautiful animals are in right now. The images are emotional, and convey the realities of what this oil spill has done: threatened the lives and the future of our beautiful planet.

But the photos glamorize the ecological and social disaster for the sake of fashion, which reduces the event to nothing more than attention-grabbing fodder.

True, the necklace on the model is “eco-friendly.” However, Meisel would not answer just how many eco-friendly products were included. So the irony is that this shoot used clothing worth thousands of dollars that was very probably flown halfway around the world.

In many reviews critics have call Vogue’s spread “edgy.” And they’re absolutely right.

But what happened in the Gulf isn’t supposed to be edgy – or beautiful, or chic, or aesthetically satisfying in any way. Cropping it to look so is inappropriate, ironic, and in extremely poor taste.

And still plaguing my mind is: why is the image of a beautiful dead woman still the emotional stamina for artists?

Originally published in The Dunkirk Observer on Sunday, Aug. 15, 2010

Coyote, 36
What’s the best reason to date someone who works in a sex store?
The discount! Ha, just kidding. There are a ton of reasons: sex education and information, a chest full of sex toys, a discount on lube, and a ton of resources at their fingertips. Also, since we talk about sex and sexuality on a daily basis there’s a good chance we’ll be more open to talking about it.

Is it wrong to date someone who works in a sex store for the discounts?
Depends on how good their discount is! Okay, yes, it is wrong. A casual one or two dates, maybe, any kind of real romance solely for the discount? Stop being a cheap bastard.

I was drunk last weekend and had sex with another guy. The guilt is killing me, but I don’t want my boyfriend to break up with me; I still love him. What should I do?
So (and this sucks) you should tell him. If you want there to be any chance of a future you have to be honest. He might break up with you and you’ll just have to deal with it. But if he can find a way to forgive you and move on, your relationship will be stronger for it.

The girl I’ve been dating for three years got a large, ugly tattoo across her back without talking to me first. She made me feel like an asshole when I got upset, saying I had no say about what she does with her body. Who’s in the wrong?
Bottom line: it’s her body and tattoos are personal. That said, it would have been great if she’d shared her thoughts with you, so you could have at least weighed in. There’s really no right or wrong in this one, just your feelings and her feelings. That big ol’ tattoo is still going to be there any time doggie is your position of choice.

Sometimes when I orgasm, I black out for a few seconds. Is this normal?
When you say black out, do you mean a euphoric orgasmic-induced disco nap or a “where am I” moment? The body is complex but I haven’t heard of orgasm blackouts. But who’s to say what’s normal? I’d recommend seeing the local sex-positive doctor to check in.

I went to dinner with this guy I met last week at the bar. We had an amazing discussion. When the bill came, we both reached for the check. I did it to be polite, expecting he’d grab it away. Instead, he suggested we split it. Is it stupid that this still bothers me?
It’s not stupid, per se. It was your expectation that disappointed you, not him. He probably didn’t even know you were hoping for the chivalry of yore. If you’re into him, you have to figure out if going Dutch is a dealbreaker.

Is it weird that I’m not turned on unless a girl’s vagina is completely bald?
Nope. What’s weird is if you aren’t willing to help her pay for the costly waxing or laser hair removal it takes to achieve bare beaver. Oh, and PS: the vagina’s the inside part, and therefore already bare. The vulva’s is the external part commonly called “the pussy” and usually is not naturally bare. Now you know – and knowing is half the battle.

Mark, 29

What’s the best reason to date someone who works in a sex store?
You’ll be dating someone who’s very open-minded. When people come into the store, it’s important that they know they won’t be judged for their questions, lifestyle and preferences. Granted, not everything is for everyone, but at least your sex-shop partner will be open to the conversation. Of course, having a plethora of sexual knowledge at your disposal doesn’t hurt either.

Is it wrong to date someone who works in a sex store for the discounts?
Any dating situation where one person is dating another, primarily, for superficial or monetary gain, is a tad unhealthy. I wouldn’t date a farmer to get a better deal on steaks; I’d date them for the rolls in the hay.

I masturbate with a vibrator at least twice a day. Can a woman lose all the sensation in her clitoris from excessive masturbation?
The dreaded myth of “desensitization!” I am glad to announce that continual stimulation to your clitoris, from a vibrator, will not desensitize you. What is common is people getting used to a certain level of vibration. If you masturbate with a very strong toy, like a back massager, it’s harder to orgasm with a weaker vibrator. I recommend continually switching things up. Orgasm with your hand one night, and maybe with a weaker toy, the next.

Is two months too early to fall in love with someone?
People have been talking about “love at first sight” since before pen touched paper. As long as you try to stay clear-headed and objective, I don’t see any harm in it.  I personally don’t think two months is enough time to really know someone, but I can’t really talk. I’ve confessed my love for someone twenty minutes after meeting them. They were wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt; I was justified!

My boyfriend loves when I swallow. I hate it! I know there are foods to sweeten it up, but he doesn’t taste bad. It’s a texture thing. Is there a way to make oral sex more pleasurable for me?
One of my rules, when it comes to sex, is that nobody should have to do something they don’t want to do. I appreciate your willingness to forego your enjoyment for your partner, but it’s really not fair to you. We have all been with people who enjoy things we don’t. There’s really nothing you can do to change the texture of semen. No one should have to dread having sex. It’s sex, not a trip to the dentist. Unless your boyfriend is a dentist, in which case, forget what I said.

Sometimes when I orgasm, I black out for a few seconds. Is this normal?
It’s an overload to the “pleasure center” of your brain. Not to compare sex with drug use, but it’s also common when taking certain recreational drugs. Your brain is overwhelmed and temporarily shuts down. You shouldn’t be too concerned about this. But, I feel it’s important to say that I don’t recommend having an orgasm while driving a car or operating heavy machinery.

Is it true that women should pee after sex to prevent UTIs and other similar types of infections? Should men?
I always recommend peeing before and right after sex. This will help push out any bacteria that has wandered inside of you before and after your sexy time. This will also help prevent bacteria from traveling up your urinary tract and setting up residence in your bladder. Nobody wants a bladder infection. They’re a kick in the pants.

In order to come, my boyfriend “needs” to watch porn while we have sex. Am I doing something wrong in the bedroom?
Do you listen to music when you commute in the morning?  I do.  Ever try not listening to music? It’s weird and feels wrong. The human brain likes patterns. It loves making a solid connection between two things. Despite how it may seem, the brain remembers more then you think it does. If every time your boyfriend orgasms, he is watching porn, then it’s going to be really hard for him to orgasm without it. I don’t believe you’re doing anything wrong, it’s just that his brain has made a connection between these two things and he’s unable to disconnect them.

Is it weird that I’m not turned on unless a girl’s vagina is completely bald?
Is it weird that I am only attracted to redheads or people with tattoos? There is nothing wrong with having preferences or being attracted to certain things.

Andy, 25

What’s the best reason to date someone who works in a sex store?
Freebies! Vendors want you to have experience with their toys. Every once in a while a vendor will come by and give the staff free lube or free vibes. It helps in giving the staff a real “hands on” idea as to how the toy works.

Are people who work in sex stores better in bed?
I get this question a lot actually; I think there’s an extra level of pressure on us. But just because someone has all the right tools, it doesn’t mean they have all the right moves.

Is it wrong to date someone who works in a sex store for the discounts?
When I first started here, I got lots of friends asking for my discount. My reply was, “If you’re not using it with me, you’re not getting my discount.” I’m kind of a lot to deal with, and I don’t know if any discount really is enough for someone to want to put up with me.

I masturbate (via vibrator) at least twice a day. Can a woman lose all the sensation in her clitoris from excessive masturbation?
Gosh, I’m jealous of the amount of free time you have. The short answer is no. The body actually develops and grows new nerve endings to respond to vibration, one of the ways it responds is to help you reach orgasm faster. You might wish to diversify your sensation or masturbation style if you find a toy that was once effective is no longer doing the trick. This, however, is not from being desensitized by the toy but from getting used to it.

Is two months too early to fall in love with someone?
Depends. There are many different types of love, just like there are many different types of relationships. Does falling in love mean finding the one you plan to be with forever? Or does it mean finding someone unique and beautiful, even if just for a little while? I think you should fall in love whenever you can, and enjoy every type of it.

My boyfriend loves when I swallow. I hate it! I know there are foods to sweeten it up, but he doesn’t taste bad. It’s a texture thing. Is there a way to make oral sex more pleasurable for me?
There are a few different things you can do. First, you can see how he feels about coming on other places of your body – chest, face etc. If it’s particularly a mouth thing, you can always suck him off in a condom. That way he still gets the feeling of sucking during ejaculation but you don’t get any in your mouth. One recommendation: put a little lube inside the condom to make everything extra smooth and wet.

In order to come, my boyfriend “needs” to watch porn while we have sex. Am I doing something wrong in the bedroom?
Not necessarily. Some people just respond to different things. For example, he might be specifically turned on by watching people fuck while fucking. I doubt it’s that you’re not enough to please him. Why don’t you make him a sexy video of yourself for him to watch while you guys hook up?

This guy I’m seeing is great. But he has a smaller penis – like, four inches erect. I heard that a penis pump could make it larger. Is this true? If so, how do I politely suggest he use one?
Penis pumps are toys to stimulate the penis. While they do increase the size of your penis while using, the penis doesn’t stay that size when removed. It’s very uncommon that when two people get together, their equipment is perfectly matched. They may have too wide of a penis, not curved enough, fingers too short, fists too big, etc. That’s why your best tool in the bedroom is your creativity. Maybe he can finger you, or fuck you with a longer dildo before or after. Also, there are different positions you can use to help smaller penises feel deeper. Try them out on him!

Is it weird that I’m not turned on unless a girl’s vagina is completely bald?
Not at all. Some people really love hairless genitals. In the same respect, some people really love the look and feel of natural pubic hair as well. For me, it’s what’s inside that counts.

Originally published, Aug. 6, 2010 on Nerve.com