There is this woman who absolutely annoys me. We’ll call her Stacey. Stacey is pretty and “model thin.” She speaks in a baby voice and incorporates the word “like” into every other sentence (a “dumbed down” or “airhead” sort of language many women are gravitating towards as of late).

Just over three years ago, I was hanging out with/pseudo dating a man whom Stacey “crushed on.” Whenever this man and I went to college house parties, she’d find us and chase him around in the hopes of wooing him over.

One evening, she came up to me and (drunkenly) slurred something like: “You know why you’re no competition to me? Because I’m so skinny,” implying, of course, that I was not.

A few months ago, Stacey began canoodling with one of Mark’s best friends. Until Stacey was out of the picture, I complained – diplomatically, of course (i.e. behind her back) about her nonstop.

Every now and again, other women come along who annoy me for other various/similar reasons.

“That’s why women will never rule the world,” Mark jokingly remarked last week after I ranted about one of these women.

“Excuse me,” I asked and scowled at him.

“Here me out,” he laughed. “Women can’t get along.” He paused, gauging my mood to decide whether or not to further argue his claim. “C’mon,” he finally said, “You hold some pretty long grudges [against women].”

With two world wars and an immeasurable amount of other battles from the beginning of recorded time and on, I couldn’t help but chuckle, “And men get along any better?”

In my mind, however, Mark’s comment did connect to reality. Even though, historically, men (physically) fight to work out their differences, there has always been a sort of unity – a brotherhood – amongst them.

Women like Stacey popped into my head.

I considered: are such women my competition, or am I theirs; and if so, what are we competing for?

Millie, my red headed graduate friend who may be the most independent woman I know, agreed that there is a general lack of “sisterhood” among women.

“It’s because we’re taught to not be strong or independent; we’re born into competition with each other,’” she said. “We’re trained that we ’should’ have a man. And therefore we always see other women as a threat. Especially strong women – they feel like they need to stake their claim for their own identity.”

Considering Mark and Millie’s opinions, I couldn’t help but wonder if women are reliving similar battles of the past, specifically thinking about the antebellum South when mistresses and slave women lived and often endured a similar kind of enslavement in a system that reduced all women to the property of white men.

As found in a lot of mistress journals and slave narratives, issues of race, class, privilege, and jealousy most often prevented the formation of any sense of sisterhood between the two groups of women. Instead of fighting against the general institution of slavery together, women (mostly white women), instead, responded with anger, betrayal and guilt.

It would appear that contemporary traits of disjointed sisterhood transcends race. Today, it includes race, and age, and weight, and beauty traditions, and intelligence levels, and income; essentially, in the words of Barbara Welter (“The Cult of True Womanhood: 1820-1869″ (1966)), existing battles between women are subconsciously about establishing or disestablishing what it means to be a True Woman.

I am in agreement with Maddie: women who view other women as competition are merely revealing a (culturally-engrained/encouraged/rewarded) lack of self-confidence.

And yet, after reassessing my long-held grudges against the growing number of Staceys in the world, it is clear that women like me – women who are “strong” enough to “diplomatically” bad mouth other women – are just as much at fault. Instead of living by example, we are also enabling this competitive mind frame.

Originally Published Sunday, May 17, 2009